Raw & Real
When Grief Moves In
In 2020, my 34-year-old son was murdered.
There’s no way to soften that truth. No gentle words. No poetic phrasing. Just the heavy, blunt reality that knocked the wind out of me and never really gave it back.
Nothing prepares a mother for that kind of pain.
Grief like that doesn’t just visit—it moves in.
It doesn't ask permission. It doesn’t knock.
It just shows up and takes a seat at your table.
It lingers in the quiet moments, in the middle of ordinary days, and almost always when you least expect it. It shows up in the grocery store aisle when you pass his favorite snack. It catches you off guard while folding laundry, or in the sound of someone else’s laugh that sounds almost—but not quite—like his.
It changes you in ways you didn’t ask for.
It reshapes your days and rewrites your life.
You start measuring time by before and after.
The laughter comes slower. The silence gets heavier.
You learn to live with questions that may never be answered.
It’s not just the loss of who they were—
it’s the loss of who you were when they were still here.
Some days I carry the weight with resilience.
Some days I drag it behind me.
But every day, I carry it with love.
And somehow, even in the ache, I still believe.
I still believe God is good—even when life is not.
I still believe He is near to the brokenhearted, even when I feel far from Him.
I still believe in healing—not the kind that forgets, but the kind that survives.
God never asked me to handle this on my own.
He simply asked me to trust that He was still holding me—especially on the days I couldn’t hold myself.
So if grief has moved into your life too, friend—
pull up a chair.
I will sit with you but just know we can't stay here.
We have to eventually get back up.
Let me know when you're ready.
much love-Lou
God Doesn't Put More on You that You can Handle
That phrase, "God doesn’t put more on you than you can handle," gets repeated so much it's probably stitched onto throw pillows.
But it's not actually found in Scripture.
It’s often a misinterpretation of 1 Corinthians 10:13, which talks about God not allowing you to be tempted beyond what you can bear and always providing a way out. But that’s about temptation, not suffering or grief or life-shattering loss.
If we were meant to handle everything on our own, there’d be no need for trust, no need for grace, and certainly no need for God’s strength in our weakness. But over and over, Scripture tells us something else:
- “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)
- “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28)
We were never meant to carry the full weight of grief, trauma, or even daily burdens by ourselves. That’s not strength—that’s isolation.
Saying “God won’t give you more than you can handle” can unintentionally silence pain. But the truth is, sometimes it is too much. That’s why we cry out, fall apart, and let God do what only He can.
Sometimes You Need a Goat
One day, I was sitting with my sister and my daughter-in-law, trying to describe what it felt like-how there was a scream stuck inside me.
We all paused, and then we laughed at my words. I think we weren't sure what else to say.
My sister never forgot that conversation.
For Christmas, she gave me a screaming goat button. A tiny plastic button with a picture of a goat on top- that lets out a dramatic scream when you press it. and yes, I use it. A lot.
Because sometimes, when life is too much for words... you need a goat to scream for you.
I want the world to know what an amazing sister I have. She reminds me in the funniest ways that I'm not alone in the storm.
Poison Hemlock
I don't usually pay much attention to what's happening out by the field behind the tool shed-mostly because the birds have been waging war over the mulberries and honestly, I figured it was best to let them settle their drama in peace.
But yesterday when things seemed quiet, I wondered out for a look around and sure enough there it was a patch of poison hemlock.
This plant is extremely toxic, even deadly and it's sneaky. The white flowers are pretty and harmless looking, which makes them extra dangerous to little ones. Kids are naturally drawn to them, waiting to pick a bouquet or sniff the "wildflowers." But even touching poison hemlock can cause skin irritations and ingesting just a small amount can be fatal.
If you've got kids, grandkids, pets or if you're outside a lot like I am- please take a minute to lean what it looks like and check your property.
Better safe than sorry.
Poison Hemlock has smooth, purple splotched stems, ferny carrot -top looking leaves, white umbrella shaped flower clusters.
It resembles Queen Anne's Lace AKA Wild Carrot